My Fever-Induced Thoughts on The Count Dankula Ruling

Warning: I am currently fighting the flu, which is why I’m posting this here instead of making a video. I’m pretty sure some of the stuff that follows is stuff I’d edit out if I was less ill.

I’ve decided to write out my thoughts here instead of repeating the same things to multiple people who have asked my opinion. The latest “hot take” scorching the internet is the case of a YouTuber who goes by Count Dankula teaching his girlfriend’s dog to do a Nazi salute. He’s been convicted of “gross offensiveness” and “hate speech” under Scottish law, because in 2016 he decided to make a video with the primary purpose of upsetting his girlfriend, complete with images of Hitler and comments like “gas the Jews”.

He claimed this was all just a joke.

Declaration of potential personal bias time: I have a comedy background. I’ve had broadcast standards rulings made against me. But those rulings didn’t involve a criminal conviction – the TV station just had to put up a message between shows apologizing for causing offense. I think that the Canadian system for dealing with this sort of thing seems much more commensurate with the harm caused. Unfortunately, there’s no equivalent of the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council for YouTube. Perhaps there should be.

I’m also Jewish. Some people think I’m a “fake” Jew, or that I don’t “look Jewish”, but when it comes down to it, I have personal investment in both sides of the fallout of Count Dankula’s thoroughly foolish behaviour.  I’ve heard the family stories of suffering in the Holocaust.

I also tend to get annoyed when people train animals that aren’t theirs to do annoying crap.  It’s disrespectful and rude.  I’ve had people do that with my dog, and retraining the dog is a huge pain in the ass.

So I think that Count Dankula, legal name, Markus Meechan, is a complete asshole. As the sheriff in his case pointed out, he knew what he did was offensive, and he knew why it was offensive. He did it anyway. To be an asshole.

There was no greater purpose to his stupid behaviour, so the people online comparing him to political dissidents with an actual point… you’re assholes too. When entertainers like Howard Stern deliberately cause offense, they’re in service to a higher cause: when Stern got fined over a conversation about masturbating to pictures of Aunt Jemima, but NOT when he said he hoped the FCC chair’s prostate cancer came back, people started to realize that the FCC rules were flamingly ridiculous.

That’s a valid challenge to free speech norms. Sometimes, free speech rules are set by assholes. And that’s how I feel about the laws in Scotland. Serving jail time for bigotry doesn’t make someone less of a bigot. Shit, the gangs in jail organize along race lines.

I mean, just read this law. It’s an asshole law:

Section 1(1) of the 1988 Act (as amended by section 43(1) of the Criminal Justice and Police Act 2001) provides that:
“Any person who sends to another person (a) a letter, electronic communication or article of any description which conveys (i) a message which is . . . grossly offensive . . . is guilty of an offence if his purpose, or one of his purposes, in sending it is that it should . . . cause distress or anxiety to the recipient or to any other person to whom he intends that it or its contents or nature should be communicated”.

Meechan is clearly in contravention of this law. He put the video on YouTube to intensify the distress and embarrassment that his “prank” would cause his girlfriend. Even though he only had eight subscribers at the time, he was creating conditions to have those eight subscribers, and anyone they chose to share with, participate in committing a cruel act against his girlfriend by teaching her dog antisocial behaviours.

I repeat. Meechan is an asshole. And this is an asshole law.
Because it’s an asshole law, the judge in the case is correct: no additional context really matters.  Interestingly, if Meechan had just trained the dog to do a Nazi salute, and NOT used YouTube — an electronic form of communication — the law would not have applied. It’s only illegal because he violated the Malicious Communications Act.

Apparently the law would also have protected the speech of one Anti-Semite talking to another Anti-Semite through, say, private email. If you’re communicating with someone who you know shares your views, you have no intent to offend.

So this guy managed to get convicted of a crime where a legitimate defense would have been that he actually did hate Jews, and was just talking to other people who hate Jews, so he didn’t know he was being offensive.

Seriously, how does someone fuck up THAT badly?  Oh, right, he put his hazarai on YouTube.

Meechan is a grown-ass man living under U.K. law. When a grown-ass man decides to become a YouTuber, he assumes a responsibility to obey the laws where he lives. If that grown-ass man breaks the law, he is subject to the punishments under that law. It doesn’t matter if he AGREES with that law.  Those are the rules, asshole.

In a rational and just world, we shouldn’t need laws preventing giant acts of assholedom. Unfortunately, people throughout history have been such massive assholes that some thoroughly asshole laws have ended up on the books.

The question of whether the law is just, however, is far more complicated. We can’t let unjust laws stand just because the unjust law only applies to assholes. Prison is full of assholes, and all prison often does is makes them into bigger assholes, due to close proximity with other assholes.

At first, I thought this was a simple issue: I couldn’t see a situation where a video that didn’t involve child exploitation, sex trafficking, or blackmail could really be criminal.

But then I thought “Am I just saying this because that video, did, in fact, bother me? So I’m going out of my way to show I can handle it? Am I being a stupid asshole here too?”

So I sat my own ass down and thought about it.

The more I thought about it, the more I started thinking about the purpose of free speech laws, and whether Meechan’s behaviour falls into the realm of a free speech exception: speech with the principle purpose of creating unnecessary panic, otherwise known as “falsely yelling fire in a crowded theater”.

I’m still not entirely sure about this avenue of thought. Like I said, I have the flu. But I can’t entirely shake the idea that there might be something here.

The thinking is that if there actually IS a fire in a theater, you’re yelling “fire” to protect someone from a real threat. If there’s no fire, you’re creating the conditions for a stampede, therefore creating a potentially dangerous situation where one previously did not exist.

The sorts of Anti-Semitic content that Meechan put on YouTube doesn’t just offend people. It makes some people lose their freaking minds. Yes, some people are just too sensitive and look for things to be offended by, but the PTSD suffered by survivors of the Holocaust was found to have biologically altered the stress hormones of their children. So one person’s “too sensitive” is another person’s transgenerational trauma.

You poke at that trauma, you can induce panic. Panic can cause a stampede.

We know that online stampedes can and do occur, and that they cause psychological harm to the people who get trampled. In Meechan’s case, those who see Anti-Semitism, even of the casual kind, as a serious social problem, and those who believe in free speech rights above all else, are currently trampling each other online because they’re panicking over their pet causes. They’re so afraid that their way of life is under threat that they don’t care who they stomp as they race to their moral high grounds.

We need to start thinking about YouTube as a very crowded public theater, because that’s exactly what it is. And it’s not even the sort of theater that can inform an audience of content with disclaimers before you buy your ticket, because of YouTube’s faulty autoplay and recommendation features. I think YouTube’s brain trust is a bunch of assholes too, but I’ve made numerous videos about that. Let’s stay on topic here.

When you do something on a “crowded theater” platform like YouTube that you can reasonably expect to cause an extreme reaction, you’re yelling fire in that crowded theater. You’re doing something calibrated to make people freak out. The interesting thing about Meechan’s case is that he didn’t realize how crowded his theater actually was. He thought there were only eight people in it, but he didn’t realize that was only the row he and his friends were sitting in. Three million views later, he’d caused an online stampede.

Anyone who thinks it’s harmless fun to upload Anti-Semitic content to YouTube is probably living in a pretty serious echo chamber, which is where stampedes are more likely to form. Jews are seen, by both the extreme Right and the extreme Left, as a privileged Other, and both political extremes continue to sweep religious hate crime statistics under the rug. In the US, UK, and Canada, Anti-Semitism is the most common driver of religious hate crime by a sizable margin, more common even than the much ballyhooed Islamophobia. Precisely because discussions of the Middle East are such a powder keg, any fanning of those flames could cause an already simmering conflict to boil over.

So inciting that sort of fighting is profoundly reckless. The police need tools to keep the public peace.

This is why, for many people, the idea that someone could say something Anti-Semitic as a joke while not actually being at least a little bit Anti-Semitic is too big of a leap in logic. In order to understand the dynamics at play, you need to understand the “shitposting” culture of which Meechan claims to be a professional.

Shitpost culture grew out of the frustration that some people had with the perceived speech police of internet culture. They formed communities such as 4Chan where they could “shitpost”, within a complex structure of advance consent to offend. The social conditions on the /b/ board which allowed pretty much everything but child pornography, were not the same as on /pol/ — short for “politically incorrect”, with the racist and sexist speech that came with that concept. The thing about 4Chan was that everyone went to 4Chan knowing full well what to expect.

In 2014, the “shitposting’ culture of 4Chan “broke containment” due to some reactionary changes to the way the various boards were moderated. Disgruntled 4Chan users poured into services like Twitter and YouTube which professed to be platforms devoted to free speech. Unfortunately, Twitter and YouTube had very different ideas of what constituted free speech than users of 4Chan did, and the social media culture wars went crazy. This has – allow me to exercise my free speech right to moderately offend – led to an online environment that shit the bed, ate that shit, contracted dysentery from that shit, has been crapping out liquid dysentery ever since, and is now close to dying like a character in the Oregon Trail.

Returning to seriousness, we are at very real risk of completely losing sight of what free speech protections are designed to do.  If we lose sight of those goals, legitimate authoritarians can claw back our free speech protections by giving us the perception of freedom instead of the real stuff.

Free speech protections serve to create a truly free and open society where people can speak truth to power without government persecution. Free speech protections are designed to create an open marketplace of ideas, so the truth can emerge from diverse opinions. Free speech doesn’t protect threats or defamation because they don’t serve an open marketplace of ideas. They’re the dysentery someone shit into the well.

So think of 4Chan as an online town where the water supply is a well with dysentery. For some reason, the people who go to that town find diarrhea of the keyboard to be fun, so they deliberately drink from the dysentery well so they can fling shit at each other like nuclear powered gorillas.

This is the essence of “shitposting”. Sometimes, it just feels good to have a good shit. On 4Chan this isn’t crossing the threshold of falsely yelling fire in a crowded theater, because everyone’s yelling fire, and everyone knows there ain’t no damned fire. It’s more like watching TV at home, where you can yell at the screen all you want, then yelling in a theater.

Hitler is generally seen as one of those things you can’t yell in an online theater because it causes a stampede. Which is why shitposters LOVE Hitler memes. On 4Chan, that’s fine. Meechan’s problem was that he took his “professional shitposter” routine onto a platform where shitposting isn’t appropriate, and in doing so caused an online panic through a deliberately offensive act.

I agree that it’s a little too easy to cause panic online these days, but we’re all aware it’s a reality. When you’re in a crowded theater and you falsely yell “fire”, then claim you only said it to make your friends laugh, that is NOT a defense.

Now, here’s the catch. Yelling fire is only exempted from free speech if there’s no fire, so if Meechan was a legitimate Anti-Semite, there would have been some defense for his comments.

As crazy as that sounds, it’s true.

The most virulent Anti-Semite, Islamophobe, transphobe, homophobe, or white supremacist has the right to express their views – within the confines of the laws of various lands, of course. Letting people express their hate is the only way that the rest of us can point out the flaws in that sort of bigoted thinking. This doesn’t mean that bigots should be allowed onto various media services, because they’re privately owned and therefore have the right to set their own rules. It just means that we generally agree that someone shouldn’t go to jail just because they’re a bigot.

So if you legitimately hate Jews, if you think we’re an actual fire that will burn your pure goyishe friends and family, have at it. Sound your alarms. That’s free speech. You’re wrong, but perhaps if you’re able to spill your guts, you’ll eventually encounter something that will let you stop being so afraid, and actually, finally, be able to have a conversation and broaden your horizons so you stop being such an asshole.

In fact, I’m religiously required to listen to your hateful nonsense if I think I can help, or if listening will stop you from actually harming another person. The Torah treats speech as a holy gift, so Jews are compelled to speak and hear truth, even unpopular truth. However, gossip and slander are seen as great transgressions, so the minute someone starts spewing bullshit just to “shitpost”, all bets are off.

At first, it may seem counter-intuitive to see legitimate hate as less transgressive than saying hateful things you don’t mean, but that’s the beauty that’s found in the complexity of the Torah. People who are driven by hate and fear can still be part of a meaningful, legitimate, productive conversation. They might learn something. You might learn something about the nature of fear from them.

You can’t, on the other hand, have a productive conversation with someone who is just spewing stuff for attention. It’s a waste of time.

This is completely in line with the purpose of free speech protections: that marketplace of ideas only functions to seek truth if it isn’t poisoned by people spewing lies. Therefore, saying “I’m not an Anti-Semite, I just said something Anti-Semitic as a joke that I didn’t really mean,” is no defence. You’re polluting the free marketplace of ideas with insincere crap.

Now the big question: what to do about Meechan’s utterly stupid and, according to the laws where he lives, illegal behaviour. As I said before, I don’t think it does the public any good to put him in jail: I believe that jail is for mental and physical adults, which is precisely why I don’t think someone who calls himself “Count Dankula” should be in jail for any non-violent crime.

Nor do I think that taking away the internet from him forever is appropriate, because that doesn’t teach him anything. His twitter feed currently reads “going to jail for a joke”, and “I’m not a Nazi but my dog is.” which shows that he’s learned absolutely nothing from his court proceedings.  Stop with the fershnickered Nazi meshugas.  Oy.

In a just world, Meechan will now have to somehow confront the inherent immaturity that made him think that putting openly Anti-Semitic content on a public service was a harmless activity to anyone but his girlfriend. Perhaps if he actually talked to survivors of the Holocaust, or their families, who could tell him about the ongoing trauma they experience because of the Nazis, he would think it was far less funny to claim his dog is one. Mandated community service would be one way to do this.

Or perhaps Meechan should have to compensate other YouTubers who have suffered extreme financial losses because of idiots like him and Pew Die Pie and Logan Paul, due to the YouTube adpocalypse that happened because a relative few YouTubers acted like idiots and YouTube panicked. YouTubers who play by the rules don’t get the public sympathy that comes with huge amounts of press, as well as the accompanying petitions and fundraisers.

The people who are now struggling to make a living because their ad revenue took a hit don’t find any of this funny. If the assholes get fined, YouTube can afford to pay out more in ad revenues to the content creators who play by the rules. Everybody wins. If Markus Meechan or anyone else believes strongly enough in what they’re doing to continue to rack up hefty fines, let them do it. They’re willing to pay the costs of running their mouths. Call it the Howard Stern model.

But I actually think that fines would make these guys behave better than jail time, because fines seem real, whereas jail seems absurd.

Or how about court mandated therapy? That’s probably the most productive option. Something left this guy damaged enough to make a series of truly terrible life choices. Like the people in jail for minor drug convictions, jail isn’t the place for Markus Meechan. It serves no public good, wastes public money, and gives him the thing he seems to crave most: legitimacy. He doesn’t deserve it.

Because he’s an asshole.

The Uncomfortable Task of Defending Mike Ward’s Free Speech Rights

Mike Ward is acting like a creep.

Let’s get that out of the way right now.  Ward’s behaviour in continuing to mock a bullied young man with a disability is indefensible.  I don’t care if it’s a comedy routine.  I don’t care if it’s in the interests of free speech.  Grown ups should pick on grown ups and not kids.  Stop it, Mike Ward.

The media is equally to blame for any additional bullying this young man receives, since they continue to splash his name and image all over the internet, providing no context that Ward’s behaviour is very wrong… even if it’s not a violation of anyone’s human rights.  In their opinion.  The Quebec human rights tribunal disagrees.

And this is where we get to the point where I have to make the case that the ruling against Ward’s disgusting behaviour is, in the context it was made, a very bad precedent.

The argument is that the young man, Jérémy Gabriel, had his dignity violated when Ward mocked the young man’s appearance — facial deformities caused by a condition called Treacher Collins Syndrome, a medical condition that affects the bones and tissues of the face.  I’m almost inclined to agree with the judge here that Ward wasn’t just making fun of a person.  Ward was cruelly mocking the young man, who was only 14 or 15 years old at the time, for having a disability.

Like I said, Ward’s behaviour disgusts me.  But note that I also said “almost inclined to agree”.

I’m no stranger to bullying myself.  I’ve been picked on my entire life for my appearance, including being told by so-called evangelical Christians at my school that spotted skin — a reference to my freckles — was a mark of Satan.

But I can relate to poor Jérémy’s story in another way.  When I was seventeen, I got dumped by a guy.  Within days of that breakup, which I was told was at the suggestion of his therapist, I received a call.  It was a stand up comedian at a popular local comedy club, calling from my ex-boyfriend’s cell phone.  With my ex-boyfriend in the audience.

The comedian proceeded to mock me in a goofy voice, referring to personal details of the defunct relationship, while I could hear the audience laughing loudly in the background.

I started crying.  I asked the comedian why he was doing this.  Apparently the audience could hear me, because it went silent.  At some point, I swore at him, and slammed the phone down.  I remember this detail because I got in trouble from my mother for dropping an f-bomb in front of her friends.  What can I say?  I’m the product of fairly strict parenting.

There was follow up with the club, which tried to defend the comedian.  The comedian himself never contacted me or did anything directly to try to make it right.  I was told by the club the comedian “felt bad”, but not that he knew what he’d done was wrong.  Of course not.  That gets you sued.

My mother and I were offered free passes to the comedy club.  I refused them, feeling like they were trying to buy me off with surprisingly little.  In a shocking twist of irony, I had to perform at that very same club years later as part of my job, because it was, at the time, the biggest comedy club in the city.  I did it, but I’ve never forgotten the cruelty, and the apathy after the fact.  I don’t even remember the comedian’s name, but I do remember the name of the executive at the club that tried to sweep it under the rug.

Again, I won’t say his name, because that gets you sued.

All I wanted was for everyone involved to realize that what they did was wrong; specifically, it was wrong to drag in someone over a telephone who didn’t pay admission, and therefore didn’t consent to be a part of the show.  I don’t remember if they ever agreed to that, and I was left feeling like there were no real consequences for what the comedian did.  He never had to apologize directly to me.

Similarly, Mike Ward doesn’t seem to realize what he did was wrong, because he’s still doing it.  He’s still mocking the kid in relation to this tribunal decision.  The media is also repeating the joke.  The media should not be repeating the joke.

So this Quebec human rights decision has further robbed Jérémy Gabriel of his dignity, instead of beginning the healing process.  And my God, I feel terrible for the kid, because I know what it’s like.

You feel dehumanized.  You feel like the world has determined that you’re less deserving of decency and kindness because of something you can’t control.  You feel powerless to set personal boundaries, because the world isn’t giving you the tools to do so.  You look ahead toward the rest of your life, and all you see is more mockery, more cruelty, and more hate.

If this sounds maudlin, keep in mind, we’re dealing with a teenaged mindset.

The goal here is to get the mockery of Jérémy Gabriel to stop, and this decision didn’t do that.  It made it worse.  In attempting to “get tough” on hate speech, the Quebec human rights tribunal just became complicit in spreading it around.

I’m a big believer in free speech, and I don’t believe there should have been a human rights complaint against Mike Ward.  I think that there should be some system that made Mike Ward have to face the young man that he mocked for money and attention.  If the kid was bullied, Mike Ward should have had to go into the schools, admit he was wrong, and set a positive example instead of continuing to set a negative one.

We shouldn’t need to be talking about human rights in this case.  What Mike Ward did was just an old-fashioned rejection of basic human decency.

Jérémy Gabriel is disabled, and Mike Ward should be damned grateful that he’s able-bodied and doesn’t have symptoms that can include vision loss, deafness and breathing problems.  It’s not funny to make fun of someone’s disability without their consent — I add the consent caveat because many comedians, including myself, include their personal biographies in their own material.  One of the funniest stand-up comedians I personally know, Andre Arruda, does hysterical material surrounding his experiences as a disabled person.

But making fun of a kid isn’t fair game.  Please, someone show this article to Mike Ward, and try to get him to understand that.

There’s a wrinkle to this, however, and it speaks to an uncomfortable element of our free-speech-driven society.  Jérémy Gabriel isn’t just any kid.  Jérémy Gabriel is a performer and something of a celebrity, having sung for the Pope.  Once you cross over into the public realm that way, you open yourself up to a greater degree of criticism, and that criticism is often scathingly cruel.

I can speak to this as well.  I was a competitive dancer, starting seriously at the age of 14.  You had to get tough fast in that world, because adults constantly mocked our bodies — our weight, our breast development, even criticizing teenagers going through that notorious awkward phase for not being beautiful enough for the judges’ liking.  The dance world is brutal.  The problem with becoming a youth performer is that you’re ending your childhood early.  You’re stepping into the realm of professional performer, and you have to grow up fast or it eats you alive.

And it almost did eat me alive, but that’s a story for another time.

More to the current point, I speak from experience here from both sides.  I produced and co-wrote a show for MuchMusic called Fromage, which was an annual special starring Ed the Sock where we made fun of the most overplayed music videos of the calendar year.  We went out of our way to make it as fair as possible, allowing the audience to both nominate and vote on the videos that were going into the special, because at times it did get mean-spirited.

Some of the people we made fun of were minors.  Notably Britney Spears.  It was assumed that Spears was fair game because she waded into the growing culture war by declaring that, despite her sexualized music video content, that she was a virgin.  Spears was very young at the time, but the assumption in entertainment is that someone that rich and famous is, to an extent, shielded by handlers from haters.  Spears eventually cracked up, so I guess we were wrong about that.

A joke also got through once that was perceived to fat-shame Missy Elliot.  I didn’t write it, but I still regret not catching the problem.  It wasn’t intended to fat shame — it was intended to mock a particular series of images that had Missy gliding across the floor on her stomach, face down.  The joke was “What’s she doing?  Looking for crumbs?”

Like I said, I didn’t catch the unintentional subtext at the time.  In hindsight, I get it, and we were more careful moving forward.  The lines in comedy are often very blurry, and not everyone is going to agree.  So this is where I put on my comedian hat and make the case that a human rights complaint was not the way to punish Mike Ward for, again, legitimately deplorable behaviour.

I give the Jérémy Gabriels of the world credit for standing up to the Mike Wards of the world.  I just think that the best way to get guys like Mike Ward to stop being disgusting is to use your own free speech rights to take them on in a battle of ideas.  If Ward can dish out this kind of mockery, he should be able to take it.  It’s easy to beat Ward at his own game, because making fun of a kid’s disability simply isn’t funny.  There are plenty of jokes that can be made at Mike Ward’s expense, such as…

Should a guy REALLY be making fun of a kid’s looks when he looks like a cross between Steve Buscemi and BeBop?  Not judging!  Just saying!

mike-ward bebop3

Or this:

Mike Ward should know that fellow comedian Bob Saget has a nephew with Treacher Collins Syndrome.  The two should talk, so Ward can learn brand new ways to be totally unfunny.

Or this:

Mike Ward says he was fined for treating a disabled boy like an equal.  Well, sure dude.  No one wants to be compared to a Canadian stand-up comic!

Or something more broadly insulting:

Quebec comedian Mike Ward is best known for things that offend and annoy other Canadians.  Like almost everything else that comes out of Quebec.  Poutine is an apology gift.

For the record, I don’t actually think Mike Ward is ugly, Bob Saget is unfunny, that Canadian comedians are the lowest form of life, or that everyone hates Quebecers.  You stretch things for jokes.  But if Mike Ward tells these sorts of jokes, he should be able to take them.  Believe it or not, a lot of comedians are very thin-skinned and approval seeking, and mockery is an effective way to modify their behaviour.

Instead of making Mike Ward into a free speech hero, the way a $42,000 series of fines does, we should be asking the hard questions about what exactly happened here.  Why did a kid get bullied to the point of suicidal thoughts because of comedy material that should, by rights, be reserved for adult audiences only?  Why didn’t Jérémy Gabriel’s community leaders lead, and why didn’t his teachers teach, to get the bullying to stop?

Well, we know that teachers don’t intervene because they don’t want to get sued.  So the entire system is suffering because of too much litigation.  Our system of laws is designed to promote good behaviour, but it’s getting in the way of that now.  Companies and individuals won’t offer simple apologies to people, or try to make things right, because it creates a higher likelihood they’ll be successfully sued.

We need a system that encourages self-directed accountability.  We need a system focused on restorative justice.  Financial penalties won’t curb Mike Ward’s behaviour here, because one TV special based on his increased notoriety will turn him a profit in this situation.

Ward just doesn’t seem moved by the pain of a young man who had the genetic deck stacked against him, and this is being lost in an understandable defence of Free Speech protections.  The systemic overreach is clear in this case, since it’s accomplished the precise opposite of what it’s intended to do.

Put Mike Ward in a room with the kid and make him sit and say nothing while Jérémy Gabriel walks him through the pain his “humour” caused.  Make it clear that when you know the subject of your jokes is really hurt by your jokes — not offended, but sincerely caused pain — and you keep telling the same damned jokes… that crosses the line between comedy and bullying.

Mike Ward is no longer a comedian here.  Mike Ward has become, in this one instance, a bully.  He’s been told to stop mocking a disabled kid and he won’t stop.  And we should be able to call that out.

That’s the best way to enact real change here.  As is, the Quebec tribunal and the media at large are complicit in continuing to repeat Ward’s cruelty in the guise of humour.



Why Frank Cho’s Work is Feminist


You may have noticed that there’s something of an ongoing brouhaha surrounding the work of comic book artist and writer Frank Cho. It seems every time he does something involving a woman these days, someone screams. It’s fashionable to label Frank a misogynist over some parody covers, but I know the guy, both personally and professionally, and the dude can be in a room full of naked women and keep his eyes on their faces unless there’s a punchline to be had.

I know this because I’ve actually been in a room with Frank involving multiple naked women. He was a guest on Ed and Red’s Night Party. We had him draw Dean, the pig character from Liberty Meadows, on a topless woman’s back. It was meta, get it? It’s also really damned hard to create art on a surface at isn’t flat, or even uniform.

Another funny, spur of the moment thing happened on that show. For the episode, I cosplayed Brandy from Liberty Meadows, and we got a “Beltsville” t-shirt screen printed from a place down the street. Unfortunately, said shirt was proportioned for a woman who was a B-cup, and when I put it on, the screen printed letters tore, leaving white marks wherever the shirt’s weave had caused a faultline. It looked like crap, so we turned it into content. We had Frank fill in the white parts of the letters with sharpie, because he was a “professional”.

This, it turned out, left black sharpie marks on the white bra I was wearing underneath the shirt, because the marker bled. Frank, being Frank, turned those spots into eyeballs, so that I could look back at guys staring at my chest.

That’s the Frank Cho I know: funny, clever, appreciative of other people’s work, and very much aware that women who look a certain way get treated like we don’t have faces.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to provide another side to the whole “Frank Cho is a misogynist” thing that isn’t just more angry shouting, but I just keep coming back to personal memories involving Frank and his work. I still remember the first time I saw a Liberty Meadows book, in Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles. I bought it because I’m a sucker for cartoon animals, but also because it was the story of a busty woman who had no idea how attractive she was, and the short nerdy vet who harboured a secret love for her.


Brandy was like no other woman in comics I’d ever encountered. She wasn’t a superhero. She was goofy and klutzy. She was insecure about her weight. And she was in on the various zany jokes instead of being the typical killer of fun. Liberty Meadows was a combination of all the great parts of the Sunday funnies page without the horrible elements – the constant digs at Cathy in various Liberty Meadows strips showed that I wasn’t alone in my annoyance at that level of female neurosis.

Liberty Meadows was elegant, silly, smart, and fun. It was a comic strip that allowed its female lead to be beautiful, flawed, slapstick, smart and fun all at the same time, and that was something I desperately needed as a woman trying to find my place in television comedy. Throughout my career, I have run into various brick walls because most media properties don’t allow women to be all these things at once. In fact, it’s usually a paradigm of “Smart, glamorous, or funny. Pick two.” Call it the “Big Bang Triangle” if you will. Penny is funny and and object of desire, but she’s a waitress when everyone else is a scientist. Amy, on the other hand, is funny and smart, but dressed deliberately dumpy. Bernadette, similarly, has an affected voice and thick glasses so that she’s not TOO pretty, or TOO smart, because she plays up the funny. The media considers it unfeminine if a woman is TOO MUCH.


Frank Cho doesn’t sacrifice a woman’s beauty or sexuality for intelligence or the ability to take part in comedy, and I love him for that. His parody covers are continuing his tradition in this regard, and people who claim they’re misogynist are just flat out wrong. If anything, they’re poking fun at how freaked out our society gets over boobs. Try living with a gigantic pair: you realize how absurd it is the first time you get smacked in the face with your own breast. Yes. This has happened to me more than once.

Feminism isn’t about protecting women from the big bad world or putting us on an unnatural pedestal.  Feminism is about equality between men and women.  So essentially, if Deadpool is allowed to do it, some female character should have license to do it too.

Men are allowed to be naked, loud and obscene for the sake of comedy. Look at South Park, Family Guy, and Seth Rogan’s stuff. Frank Cho is one of the few creators out there who dares to let women be the star in that kind of comedy, instead of the disapproving wife/mom or the object of sexual conquest. Frank draws women who laugh at themselves, and the ridiculousness of the current nerd paradigm, without making these women seem like the kind of women the world laughs at too. He gives us license to laugh at ourselves in a world that conspires to tear down our self esteem.

And if that isn’t progressive; if that isn’t FEMINIST; I don’t know what is.

(PS: if this article does well enough, I’ll tell the behind the scenes story of where those pics of Frank signing my butt came from.)

US Presidential Candidates v Nintendo characters: A Side By Side Comparison

Every election cycle, much of the public goes into a defensive posture like a Koopa retreating into its shell. Why? Because chances are some politician is going to come along any minute and jump on us with robocalls, attack ads, and door knocking! But what would these politicians look like in Nintendoland? As it turns out, some of them already have counterparts!  Here are the mainstream candidates, and their similarities to Nintendo’s cast of equally colorful characters.  

See? Video games make everything better!

trump bowser

Donald Trump – Bowser

Bowser, like Trump, is defined by his quest for power, hostile takeovers, and repetitive dialogue! But a more direct similarity is that The Donald and the koopa king have the same hair! Okay, sure, we could say this about Legend of Zelda villain Ganondorf as well, but Bowser and Trump also share a pattern of drama involving blonde women. Advantage: Bowser.  

Both Trump and Bowser possess fiery tempers, spikey attacks, and oddly stubby fingers for their respective sizes.  And the Trump campaign has a lot in common with Bowser’s driving style in Mario Kart: high top speed and a lot of weight to throw around, but he’s going so fast that he keeps driving over banana peels and spinning out of control!

hil samus

Hillary Clinton – Samus Aran

One wears pantsuits, another wears armor.  Both fight as well as the guys.  In fact, I’m pretty sure Hillary’s at the point where some people don’t notice she’s female, just like Samus in the original Metroid!  Both these ladies have long histories in the public eye, and some of that history has been connected to controversy — Hillary has Benghazi, Samus has a bikini!  As Secretary of State, Hillary spent most of her time fighting threats the Chozo… I mean the US government… unintentionally created.

The other thing these two ladies have in common is that some people are more hung up on their clothes and shoes than their achievements. Neither Samus or Hillary can be all things to all people, and they’ve had some missteps along the way – Hillary’s email debacle was her Metroid Other M.  But at the end of the day, they both tend to be the most competent, if not the most popular, option available when you need some heavy artillery.

bernie kirby

Bernie Sanders – Kirby

Bernie Sanders’ greatest strength, like Kirby, is that he keeps taking everything in and grower stronger for it. He’s a plane! He’s a tank! He’s a submarine! And he’s strangely cuddly!  Sadly for Kirby and Bernie, they don’t have the deep corporate pockets of their brand-mates.  Clinton and Mario are both better funded and get more media attention.  But Bernie and Kirby have a “hipster” status that is part of why their fans love them! Bernie and Kirby fight for the little guy, and they aren’t too proud to admit they’re stronger with the help of others.  Maybe we should call Bernie supporters “Waddle Bees”?  

Bernie will fight off the grabby invisible hand of Capitalism like the weird floaty hand in Kirby and the Rainbow Curse! And that’s the problem: some people won’t see Sanders or Kirby as anything but a pinko.

cruz dedede

Ted Cruz — King Dedede

Some voters love Cruz when he drops the hammer!  Others think his ideas make him the King of Dreamland.  Both leaders’ zaniest edicts are mostly ignored by the general population.  Both of these guys aren’t really taken as a serious threat until you have to fight them one on one.  Then you get annoyed by the button mashing.  

Although neither Cruz or King Dedede is terribly popular, and both are accused of being greedy, you can’t take away from them that they’ve managed to reach great heights harnessing the power of inhaled air.

kasich bobomb

John Kasich — Bob-omb

Most people perceive John Kasich as a generic also ran, and there are rumors that if you get to close to him, you risk being in a blast radius.  But Kasich, like Bob-omb, actually creates a path forward if you direct him properly, especially when it comes to clearing obstacles.  

Unfortunately, Mario handling Bob-omb runs the risk of his temporary ally blowing up in his face, which is probably what Kasich voters outside of Ohio struggle with too: sure, you can use him to break down that next wall, but that might bring you face to face with Donald Trump… I mean Bowser!

Edit: Someone on twitter asked me who the Libertarian and Green Party candidates matched.  I said the Donkey Kong family, because they’re the monkey on the back of the political press!

(Note: This comedy article was considered too controversial for corporate gaming media.  If you want more content like this, please consider contributing to my Patreon)